Tuesday, 10 December 2013

The Black Dog

I haven't posted anything about depression in a long time, mostly because when you're recovering from it you don't feel the need to talk about it quite as much!

Isn't that a wonderful, beautiful thing though...

You can carry this darkness around you for years without even knowing, letting it grow and grow until it overshadows everything you do. You can't even escape it at night because of insomnia and nightmares. It's constantly there, tapping at the inside of your head. It's the thing you come back to every time you stop for a moment, every time you try to relax, every time you think a negative thought about anything.

And then, later, if you work with it and through it, you get to that point where you know that if it is there, it's so small and so quiet and so manageable that you don't need to think about it any more. There's room in your head, in you heart and in your life; for MORE. You don't just have the space in your head to contemplate these new things in your life, you magically have the energy and motivation to follow through with them!

Since I started this (long) process myself I have wished I could pass the magic on to other people, but I've never felt able or even believed I had the right to try, because it's presumptuous to assume what works for you will work for everyone, and I'd hate to sound like I was being self righteous or gloating when that's not my intention.

And then today someone posted this video on Facebook and it made me cry because it sums up in just a few seconds what I have been trying to blog about for two years! In fact, the answer is so simple, though doing it is far from easy. But it gets easier with every step forwards and I'm here to say that it's totally true. You can get rid of the darkness. You won't believe me now if you're in the middle of it- I didn't believe it, I just lost hope in everything, and getting help was a last resort. I suppose I just couldn't do it on my own any more so I chose to see a professional and give them the power to change me. That takes some trust in the person you choose to talk to, and also a strange mixture of self abandon and willpower!

But then, if you find the right person, you will discover that they don't want to change you. They will (they should... and if they don't then you're not talking to the right person) only ask you what you want, and keep on asking until you can see a way to get it. They'll never push you, only guide you. And what you want is to be happy, right?

And you can be.

Anyway, watch the video...

The Black Dog

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