Have you ever sat and written down every thought that comes into your head? A friend of mine did it as part of a psycology lesson at 6th form college. I never did find out what the point of it was, but when I was 20, just after leaving university, when my life was still just a jumble of friends, alcohol, drugs and temp-work, I decided to have a go at it. This is what I wrote:
" It's nine o'clock. I've just had a bath, a glass of blackcurrant squash with rum, and a spliff. Now I'm sitting on the unfolded sofa bed, watching football with my housemates, probably smoking a bit more.
These are my thoughts:
My head's a bit funny. I want something but I'm not sure what it is. I never enjoy getting stoned as much as I think I'm going to.
I should be thinking more than I am. Why can you never think of anything when you feel like you should.
Rebecca did this in pyscology or something at sixth form. I wonder if it's the normal thing- to start off thinking about thinking before your mind sort of lets go and you start thinking about more normal things.
It's a bit like when I go to bed at night and try to think of things to go to sleep to. I always start of thinking about thinking- trying really hard to think of things to think about! But then as I drift off I always get really into what I'm thinking about, so that I don't even realise that I'm thinking.
We did about this in the first year with my favourite tutor. God what was his name? Jim maybe? Yeah I think it was Jim.
Anyway- he was telling us about lateral thinking. He loved lateral thinking. I think that was one of the reasons I liked him so much- it was that level of intelligence.
He said what your mind goes through as you fall asleep- the patterns and the amount of your brain you use- and I think the fact was that your brain works most just before you fall asleep. It's amazing to think really.
Susan was talking today about how time goes at different speeds- no sorry- you perceive time going at different speeds, depending on things like adrenaline and your inner clock. I said something about how we think of time as such a set thing and Kim said 'Well according to the laws of physics, it is.' But, god, I don't know- am I being thick? Surely time is just things going by? And things go by at the same rate, however quickly they seem to be going by for us. So if they seem to go by quicker, or slower than they actually are, doesn't that mean that time changes depending on our perception of it?
If time is just things going by- what happens to time if nothing happens? In a vacuum- or more than that- in less than a vacuum (can that be? Black holes? Less than a vacuum? Infinite mass? How can that happen? AAARRRGGG!) What happens to time? If there is nothing there- nothing at all- nothing happenning, nothing going by- then how can there be time?
I should read up about this. I don't know anything about it at all. All these thoughts are just my thoughts.
I'm hungry. At least I think I am. I don't like thinking I'm hungry when I don't think I should be. I feel greedy. I think I'm going to put on weight.
I think I want toast. Mmmm. I think I do. Toast and jam and peanut butter."