I wrote the following passage shortly after my first major relationship broke down and I ventured out into the world of the singleton with a huge heart, looking for love:
Oh, romance. All that any woman ever wants from a relationship. Do not underestimate its power. It has the power to make a woman melt, or scream, or cry.
I so desperately want a man to fall in love with me- to be yearning for me. I want a man to take one look at me and just think I am beautiful.
But that's a pile of shite- blokes minds don't work like that. They just think with their dicks. They don't get 'mesmerised by beauty' so they can't take their eyes off you or get you out of their minds- they just imagine how good it would be to have sex with you."
Bitter pill anyone?
Sorry girls, it's true. Men do think with their dicks. It's physiological: almost every male animal in the entire world does the same. No escaping that. Clearly, at this point in my life I was learning it the hard way.
Contradictorily however, men do fall head over heels for women. They DO become mesmerised. They DO find that they can't get a woman out of their minds, and it's not just because that woman is a good shag! (Though clearly this does help.)
But it isn't easy to find a connection with a man that is so strong they will feel this way about you. And this is where my warning message comes in.
At the time I wrote this passage, I wished so hard that someone could have told me about the whole dick-brain thing before I found it out for myself. And so here is my advice to girls new to the dating scene: just be aware of it. Don't be angry about it, don't be afraid of it. If a guy is treating you like shit because you won't let him into your pants after spending a few hours in his company then he is seriously NOT WORTH THE HASSLE. If you've spent a few weeks with him in your pants and he starts treating you like shit then he is NOT WORTH THE HASSLE. And there WILL be guys who do these things. They may even be genuinly nice guys if they weren't being manipulated by the thing in their pants.
On the flip side- it's best not to use the fantastic power you get as a woman by harnessing the dick-brain-control thing to manipulate men, unless you REALLY know what you're doing and you're OK with pissing men off by saying no, or you're 100% happy to see the thing through. Please dont' be a cock tease.
The thing to remember is that if a guy really likes you for what's inside your head as well as your pants, then (in theory at least) he won't be an absolute shit to you. Or maybe he will but he'll make it right somehow because he actually cares about you.
And if you get it right, there's no need to be bitter about it anyway! When you get it right, you can enjoy the dick-brain thing with your man, maybe even slip in a bit of romance, some guitar music and a few candles. Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more...